Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
