My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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