i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
