I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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