I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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