i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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