Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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