u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
