my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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