hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
