Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
