I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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