dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
