Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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