I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He shit in the fireplace
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
