Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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