i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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