i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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