The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
