ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
