Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
