SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
