her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this just has baby written all over it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
