Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
