here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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