I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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