did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
