can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
