I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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