No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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