He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
