Where is the hickey?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
