Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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