I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
