so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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