He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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