i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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