and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
