turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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