I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
