Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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