You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
