I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
