I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
