I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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