You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
