Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
