He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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