I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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