I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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